The Cormorant Baker

Two years later, Shoghi Effendi wrote:

A mechanism of world intercommunication will be devised, embracing the whole planet, freed from national hindrances and restrictions, and functioning with marvelous swiftness and perfect regularity.
Shoghi Effendi, World unity the goal, 1936

Or was Shoghi Effendi plagiarising the ideas of Hermia S. E. Nobileo, D.D., Ph.D, the founder of the First Church of Metaphysical Science?

We must have a mechanism of world inter-communication, embracing this entire "Earth" "Plane", freed from inter-national hindrances and restrictions, and functioning with perfect regularity.
Hermia S. E. Nobileo, The Path to World Peace, 1927

Is it getting better
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now
If youve got someone to blame?

You said one love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love we get to share it
It leaves you baby if you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without

Well it's too late
Tonight
To drag the past out
Into the light
We're one but we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgivness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus
To the lepers in your head?

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot
You gave me nothing now
It's all I got
We're one but we're not the same
Well we hurt each other and we're doin' it again

You said love is a temple
Love the higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law

You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
I can't be holdin' on
To what you've got
When all you've got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You've got to do what you should
One life with each other
Sister
Brothers
One life but we're not the same
We get to carry each other
Carry each other
One
One
One
One

Published: Sun, 01 Jun 2008 03:42:23 GMT   Code: tcb-2008-06-01-03-42-23

Iranian government spokesman Elham talks about Zionist ties and how it's safest just not to wear one at all.

Due to some kind of wardrobe malfunction in Iran, the Baha'is are in trouble again. Apparently they have Zionist ties:

Iranian government confirms: Six leaders of Bahai community arrested as a result of anti-Iranian activity and Zionist ties.
Iran: Bahai leaders detained over ‘connection with Zionists’

What, you may ask, is a Zionist tie? I'm not sure myself, but I'm guessing these ones from Wild Ties and Judaic.com would qualify:

So how about we just stop wearing those silly annoying ties in Iran, and maybe this whole thing will just blow over?

"Belly of the Beast" by Ainsley Yeager

Slow Wave is a collective dream diary authored by different people from around the world, and drawn as a comic strip by Jesse Reklaw.

I am speaking as someone who for fifteen years was closely associated with [people who wish to undermine our confidence and trust in the institutions]. When I finally began to see through what they were doing I cared enough about the Marshalls that I went out of my way to meet with them in Christchurch, New Zealand in hopes of helping them to understand the real issues. I found that the bottom line is that they wanted the Baha'i Faith to be a certain way, and they were determined to make it so despite what the Teachings say.
"Negativity" - Susan Maneck

My memory of the meeting was that Susan had flown to Christchurch for a job interview and was staying at a motel there. Alison and I drove from Dunedin to Christchurch and visited her at the motel. Susan is obviously speaking metaphorically when she says she went out of her way to meet us.

A booth outside the Haifa Convention Centre reminds delegates not to waste their vote

Umm Yasmin recently wrote about how to get on the House of Justice if you haven't got ovaries. The issue of a male-only supreme governing body is a difficult one for me, and for many other Baha'is, I expect.

Maori communities in NZ face a similar situation. The majority of them require their members to take on roles defined by gender, particularly during formal occasions:

• Men do carving (whakairo) and women do weaving (raranga)
• Women do the calling on (karanga) and men do the challenge (wero)
• Men make the speeches on official occasions (whaikorero) and women carry out the songs that intersperse the speeches (waiata).

Some Maori communities have historically allowed women to speak on official occasions, so this arrangement isn't entirely fixed, but it is something that is tied to the traditional practice (kawa) of most communities. The problem usually comes when there are cultural differences between the various participants in an event, and those who set the kawa (the hosts) can't figure out what takes precedence:

• Maori communities that invite the Prime Minister to visit have to figure out whether to allow her to speak.
• Government departments have to work out whether their sexual equality principles mean that they allow their female staff to speak
• Baha'is running conferences along traditional Maori lines have to figure out whether the principle of the equality of women and men takes precedence, or even whether not allowing women to speak betrays that principle.

I think that a simple five-word rule should be followed, and followed consistently. The hosts set the kawa. In the three scenarios I've outlined, the only female who probably won't get a chance to speak is the Prime Minister.

If a Maori community has fixed roles for men and for women, I can live with that, provided that women and men are equally respected within the community. Just because there are fixed roles, it doesn't mean that the community is going to be dysfunctional. Where there's mutual respect between men and women, there are ways of partially circumventing the restrictions. I can live with an all-male House, too, mainly because women and men do seem to be equally respected within the community. In that environment, an all-male House is a minor aberration.

What I used to do, when faced with the fixed roles in Maori communities, was to hang out with the women and do what they were allowed to do. Maori tended not to have any problem with this, but the Baha'is or my employers sometimes got uneasy.

I don't suppose I'm ever going to have the opportunity to decline a place on the Universal House of Justice, though!

"Amma."

If the institute process should run out of steam, what could take its place? Compassion, perhaps?

For that, we could look to the example of Amma. She's apparently a one-person "entry by hugs" dynamo. She's been at it for 35 years and has hugged more than 25 million people.

However, I just can't see the House-of-Hugs members, or even the Huggy Hands of the Cause leading by example on this one. This is one initiative that might just have to come from the grass-roots. And we don't currently have a great record for being demonstratively affectionate:

"From Haifa we travelled to visit Baha'u'llah's tomb in Bahji, about two kilometers north of Akko. Wonderful gardens surround the site and one can meet there Baha'i volunteers in the course of their "year of service" in Israel. They work in gardening and guarding, and all of them were very friendly and apparently eager to converse. Walking around near them were pilgrims and people who were saying their prayers, and they too were happy to answer questions and become friendly. But this friendliness is somewhat distanced, not touching, a kind that maintains the delicate, invisible boundaries.

On the way we tried to understand the difficulty to rupture the public-relation type kindness which characterizes the people we met. Everyone was so very "nice", we were offered drinks and cookies in a large, air conditioned and [???] reception hall. The interviewed people arrived on time and agreed to any request, but we left with a feeling of sterility. If external beauty symbolizes inner quality, then just as one cannot run about unrestrained in the orderly garden pathways, similarly is the Baha'i righteous soul and compassion packed in a "buttoned" well presented outfit."
Haifa the holy city: the world center of the Baha'i Faith

Contrast that with reports of Amma's hugging style:

"It makes me feel like I'm a big baby and she's my mommy," Louie Mezei of Upton said.

"She had her arms wrapped around me and she was laughing and so happy and it felt like I was taking in love," said Mariana Luz
Amma.org

But there's hope. Reports are coming in of grass-roots, Baha'i-inspired hugs:

Hugs outnumber handshakes. - 1999 report of a memorial service for Baha'is killed in Iran

"I have the very best job. I just stand here and get hello, get hugs and get love. I am very lucky," - Anthony, a youth security guard from Uganda, working at the Baha'i World Centre, in 2001.

How are you? Are you well? How many hugs or smiles did you give out today? Did you receive any? - The UK Association of Baha'i Women, 2001.

I'm sure momentum is building, and that there'll soon be hugging videos, compilations, conferences, feast letters and youth dance groups springing up all over the place. Surely hugging will soon become a part of our training institutes and our clusters.

Actually, before there are any hugging compilations, the House is going to have to troll through the unpublished stuff for fresh copy. There's precisely zilch published that even mentions the word "hug" at the mo.

A Baha'i identity that isn't centred on the administration

Arguably, mainstream Baha'is are becoming less adminocentric. The assembly used to be quite central to community life. Now a lot of energy seems to go into clusters, reflection meetings, institutes and Ruhi courses, none of which seem to be run by local assemblies. I'm guessing mainstream Baha'is still come up against a lot of Baha'i administration -- it's just that it's not all coming from the assembly. I've been "out" for eight years, so I wouldn't really know.

Withdrawing from involvement

Withdrawing from involvement with the Baha'i administration is certainly not for everyone. Supporting the administrative order is very important. However, I was at the point where I considered my local and national assembly to be more of a hindrance than a help. What helped for me was was knowing that withdrawing from involvement with the Baha'i administration was a step towards re-gaining a healthier relationship with it. Something like a year of patience, I guess.

In essence, I just stopped hanging out where the administration hangs out. Basically, that's feasts. To keep from drawing attention to myself and being drawn back into administrative matters, I also withdrew from social and devotional activities. I think it depends on how much administrative stuff permeates those activities. In a large community it's probably safe to join in. In a small community you'd probably just get pulled back in to the minutiae of administratiion. In small communities I've found that a lot of administrative talk carries into the social events.

As a result of my withdrawal from community activities I probably fell into the assembly and community's "inactive" category. I expected someone -- with the appropriate Ruhi training of course -- to try to reactivate me, but I wasn't approached at that level. I expect to be pretty much left alone unless community numbers start to hover around the nine-adult mark and an assembly is forming or lapsing.

Maintaining a Baha'i identity

It used to be that Baha'is, particularly the more extrovert ones, would just wither off the vine and eventually not identify themselves as Baha'is. But times are changing. There are plenty of unaffiliated Baha'is on the Internet. Often they're called unenrolled Baha'is. They do a bunch of stuff that other Baha'is do. They may pray, fast, carry on a trade or profession, do charitable work, look after their family, consort with the followers of all religions, and so on. In fact, because very little of their energy goes into administration, and because they're more free to follow their own interests rather than fit in with what's on offer, they do tend to be at the forefront of new and interesting Baha'i activities. A number of mainstream Baha'is have commented that there are surprisingly few "unenrolled Baha'is" -- it just seems like there's lots of them.

As Juan used to say. "We're here, we're queer. Get used to it."

Next

I plan to write more about the process by which I came to grips with my identity as a de facto unaffiliated Baha'i. Currently I'm doing yet another reorganisation of the sections and categories on Baha'is Online to match my unaffliated Baha'i experience. For example, I've decided to rename the "Devotions" section (stupid name - what was I thinking?) to "Baha'i Life" (Baha'i life is what I used to call "living the life" when I was more imbued with the jargon) and to re-organise categories like "community and administration" to separate community stuff and administration stuff a bit more.

I may also look at how others have handled their transitions. I'm thinking in particular of Rachel Woodlock / Umm Yasmin who went from being a Baha'i to being a Muslim.

Behaviour is often very situational. Alison and I occasionally meet people who have first gotten to know us over the Internet - and they often initially comment on how different we are face-to-face. Much less scary, apparently.

Different settings bring out different aspects. Get me at home and I’ll talk about my cat, my vege garden and whatever I’ve just heard on public radio. On the Internet it’s Baha’i, Joomla and saving the Ngunguru sandspit. Does anyone on the Internet even know I grow vegetables? Does anyone off the Internet know I’m nuts about Joomla?

George Wesley Dannells has a blog entry on the Internet Anti-Baha'i Society: Have you noticed they don't post about children?

I'll let Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds respond to that.

"O Children"

Pass me that lovely little gun
My dear, my darling one
The cleaners are coming, one by one
You don't even want to let them start

They are knocking now upon your door
They measure the room, they know the score
They're mopping up the butcher's floor
Of your broken little hearts

O children

Forgive us now for what we've done
It started out as a bit of fun
Here, take these before we run away
The keys to the gulag

O children
Lift up your voice, lift up your voice
Children
Rejoice, rejoice

Here comes Frank and poor old Jim
They're gathering round with all my friends
We're older now, the light is dim
And you are only just beginning

O children

We have the answer to all your fears
It's short, it's simple, it's crystal dear
It's round about, it's somewhere here
Lost amongst our winnings

O children
Lift up your voice, lift up your voice
Children
Rejoice, rejoice

The cleaners have done their job on you
They're hip to it, man, they're in the groove
They've hosed you down, you're good as new
They're lining up to inspect you

O children

Poor old Jim's white as a ghost
He's found the answer that was lost
We're all weeping now, weeping because
There ain't nothing we can do to protect you

O children
Lift up your voice, lift up your voice
Children
Rejoice, rejoice

Hey little train! We are all jumping on
The train that goes to the Kingdom
We're happy, Ma, we're having fun
And the train ain't even left the station

Hey, little train! Wait for me!
I once was blind but now
I see Have you left a seat for me?
Is that such a stretch of the imagination?

Hey little train! Wait for me!
I was held in chains but now I'm free
I'm hanging in there, don't you see
In this process of elimination

Hey little train! We are all jumping on
The train that goes to the Kingdom
We're happy, Ma, we're having fun
It's beyond my wildest expectation

Hey little train! We are all jumping on
The train that goes to the Kingdom
We're happy, Ma, we're having fun
And the train ain't even left the station

"Bahiagrass: (Paspalum Notatum)"

Reports are coming in of properties being infested with "Bahai grass".

Bahai grass in yard
"I need help on controling bahai grass, I get it cut and in 3 days it is blooming again, how can I get rid of it. It from the county planting it on the road side after laying water lines." obx1, Rodanthe NC

Bahia grass
"I have recently bought 8 acres in smith county that was at one time a costal hay field and bahai grass has taken over 75 percent of it. I have already sprayed the bahai grass and got a good kill on it. Is the coastal still there or will I need to start over with sprigs?" Tim Ables

Unwanted bahai grass taking over bermuda pastures
"Had good Bermuda til this year the bahai grass is taking over. That stuff is killing my mower - the clumps, when not dullig my blades, are popping the mower right out of gear. Worse, the horses won't touch it in the summer - although in winter they'll nibble it a bit. How do I get rid of this stuff, or at least control it??" Robin Bray

So what's happening here? Are seeds from the lumpy Bahai grass in Haifa accidentally being brought back to America by pilgrims? Does this phenomenon have something to do with the street teaching being done in A-clusters across the nation?

The Baha'i grass is showing up on the most unlikely places:

"Bermuda grass is to be used as the primary turf for the fairways, greens and tees, with drought-tolerant Bahai turf selected for the outer rough and fairway peripheries as it uses a third less water than Bermuda." Gary Player unveils eco conscious Saadiyat Beach Golf Course Design

But Rebecca Brown of Sonlight has a theory:

"These are soil-poor times. Teenagers don’t go to church with mom and dad (if mom and dad are even going). Church attendance is not seeded into the life of the modern-day adolescent. They aren’t familiar with the Bible or what it says. David and Goliath are the names of professional wrestlers, aren’t they? And their exposure to religion can range from a cult massacre to the random televangelist. In protecting the rights of Americans not to believe, we have drained the fertilizer from our soil... arguably a fairer setting for all? And the post “God is Dead” generation says “who?” Still the Bahai grass grows... coarse music rising from this sandy soil, reaching in its desperate way for Heaven, somehow sensing the way to grow...."
The Bahai Grass Ministry

"How many apostates?"

Moojan is counting apostates for an important story that will help the Faith, but those apostates are really sneaky and they keep shifting around on him. Are there 12 apostates or are there 13? Hurry, because Moojan is in such a tizz. He must send his story to Baha'i review very soon!

Now the Core-bellied Sneetches had bellies with cores.
The Apostate Sneetches had none upon thors.
The cores weren't so big; they were really quite small.
You would think such a thing wouldn't matter at all.
But because they had cores, all the Core-bellied Sneetches
would brag, "We're the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches."

With their snoots in the air, they would sniff and they'd snort,
“We'll have nothing to do with the apostate sort."
And whenever they met some, when they were out walking,
they'd hike right on past them without even talking.

When the Core-bellied children went out to play ball,
could the Plain-bellies join in their game? Not at all!
You could only play ball if your bellies had cores,
and the Apostate children had none upon thors.

When the Core-bellied Sneetches had frankfurter roasts,
or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts,
they never invited the Apostate Sneetches.
Left them out cold in the dark of the beaches.
Kept them away; never let them come near,
and that's how they treated them year after year.

Then one day, it seems, while the Apostate Sneetches
were moping, just moping alone on the beaches,
sitting there, wishing their bellies had cores,
up zipped a stranger with the strangest of cause.

"My friends," he announced in a voice clear and keen,
"My name is D-Doctor M-Moojan Mo-men.
I've heard of your troubles; I've heard you're unhappy.
But I can fix that; I'm the fix-it-up chappie.
I've come here to help you; I have what you need.
My prices are low, and I work with great speed,
and my work is one hundred per cent guaranteed."

Then quickly, D-Doctor M-Moojan Mo-men
put together a very peculiar machine.
Then he said, "You want cores like a Core-bellied Sneetch?
My friends, you can have them . . . . for three dollars each.
Just hand me your money and climb on aboard."

They clambered inside and the big machine roared.
It bonked. It clonked. It jerked. It berked.
It bopped them around, but the thing really worked.
When the Apostate Sneetches popped out, they had cores!
They actually did, they had cores upon thors!

Then they yelled at the ones who had cores from the start,
"We're exactly like you; you can't tell us apart.
We're all just the same now, you snooty old smarties.
Now we can come to your frankfurter parties!"

"Good grief!" groaned the ones who had cores from the first.
"We're still the best Sneetches, and they are the worst.
But how in the world will we know," they all frowned,
"if which kind is what or the other way 'round?"

Then up stepped Mo-men with a very sly wink, and he said,
"Things are not quite as bad as you think.
You don't know who's who, that is perfectly true.
But come with me, friends, do you know what I'll do?
I'll make you again the best Sneetches on beaches,
and all it will cost you is ten dollars eaches.

"Belly cores are no longer in style," said Mo-men.
"What you need is a trip through my cores-off machine.
This wondrous contraption will take off your cores,
so you won't look like Sneetches who have them on thors."

That handy machine, working very precisely,
removed all the cores from their bellies quite nicely.
Then, with snoots in the air, they paraded about.
They opened their beaks and proceeded to shout,
"We now know who's who, and there isn't a doubt,
the best kind of Sneetches are Sneetches without."

Then, of course those with cores all got frightfully mad.
To be wearing a core now was frightfully bad.
Then, of course old D-Doctor M-Moojan Mo-men
invited them into his cores-off machine.
Then, of course from then on, you can probably guess,
things really got into a horrible mess.

All the rest of the day on those wild screaming beaches,
the Fix-it-up-Chappie was fixing up Sneetches.
Off again, on again, in again, out again,
through the machine and back round about again,
still paying money, still running through,
changing their cores every minute or two,
until neither the Plain- nor the Core-bellies knew
whether this one was that one or that one was this one
or which one was what one or what one was who!

Then, when every last cent of their money was spent,
the Fix-It-Up-Chappie packed up and he went.
And he laughed as he drove in his car up the beach,
"They never will learn; no, you can't teach a Sneetch!"

But Mo-men was quite wrong, I'm quite happy to say,
the Sneetches got quite a bit smarter that day.
That day, they decided that Sneetches are Sneetches,
and no kind of Sneetch is the BEST on the beaches.
That day, all the Sneetches forgot about cores,
and whether they had one or not upon thors.

via videosift.com

"Banned"

It's official. "God Loves Laughter" could turn prisoners into terrorists, so it's been banned from federal prison library shelves. No, the officials didn't mistake the late William Sears' book for O.B. Laden's latest video, "God, Love, Slaughter". They just couldn't be bothered compiling a big list for a little religion. You can read the whole sorry tale in Critics Right and Left Protest Book Removals.

The Cormorant Baker struggles to create original biting satire while so many real-life examples of mindless stupidity exist. It's much easier to report the facts, rather than make them up.

http://www.cubiclecartoon.com

Baha'i communities everywhere will be meeting to discuss the latest Ridvan message from the Universal House of Justice and to formulate their own mission statements in response to it. But that's hard work! Cue the Ridvan 2007 Mission Statement Generator:

Just refresh the page to bring up a new mission statement.

Screenshot of the new video game, "Learnings".

The Baha'i World has been eagerly awaiting the next major stage in the roll-out of Ruhi to the masses. Meanwhile, there have been hints from Baha'i officials about the existence of something called "Learnings".

At last, it can be revealed that a new version of Ruhi for the Video Age has been developed. It will shortly be available from Baha'i Distribution Services and other approved outlets.

Learnings is a puzzle game in which the goal is to guide a certain number of Learners to the exit on each level. The Learners enter the level through one or more hatches somewhere on the level. They can be assigned skills that are used to help them get to the exit. The levels get progressively harder, with some of the last levels being very difficult.

Sneak preview of the product.

Wikipedia -- an online, user-generated encyclopedia, specialising in popular culture -- has already picked up on this exciting new development, and is featuring the new game. This augurs well for its future popularity!

"The game is unique and based around a concept previously untried. In the original Commodore Amiga version, there are 120 levels, and on each level, the player must guide a group of up to 100 learners (or 80 in many versions, such as DOS and Windows) home by giving individual Learners various commands. The "Learners" of the game are small, green-haired humanoid beings that mindlessly walk en masse into any danger in their path, following the popular myth that real lemmings behave in a similarly suicidal fashion."
Wikipedia

"The World's Largest Catsup Bottle, in Collinsville."

I have some more thoughts about the Seven Wonders of Illinois competition. It seems to me that the Illinois Bureau of Tourism is making a brave-but flawed attempt to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Illinois has a long tradition of "selling every part of the pig except the squeal".

Initially I thought that the tourism bureau's problem is that the state is not tourist material. The Wilmette Temple was certainly up against a fairly motley group of contenders in its section, as i pointed out earlier. It gets worse: Only recently have the 170-foot catsup bottle in Collinsville and the white squirrels of Olney been eliminated from other sections. The Cozy Dog Drive-In at Springfield is, amazingly, in the finals. It's up against Allerton Park and Retreat Center near Monticello. Is that all Central Illinois can offer?

You may well be left with the overwhelming impression that there's not a lot to see in Illinois. But you'd be wrong. Wiki points out many other wonders that the tourist board inexplicably overlooked. For example, "Chicago Pile-1, the world's first artificial self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction in the world's first nuclear reactor"

I reckon that the Illinois Bureau of Tourism should identify the state's strengths, and go with that - "Illinois, the sunset industry capital of the world". Would the Wilmette Temple be a good fit? Only time will tell.

You're invited to cast your vote for the seven wonders of Illinois. The state has been divided into seven sections and each section has a number of contenders. The Chicagoland section includes the Wilmette Baha'i temple. But it's up against some stiff competition - naked mole rats, some architect's house (no, not the Louis Bourgeois residence), an open sewer, a couple of gardens (one with a miniature cornfield - hey, I'd love to watch that growing), a gay theatre and a horse-torturing outfit.

Create your own Celebrity Morph™ on MyHeritage.com

The Cormorant Baker is pleased to announce that he looks very much like gold medal-winning swimmer, Ian Thorpe.

It's a fascinating conceit; "I bear a two-thirds resemblance to the yummy Mr. Thorpe, I'm wearing speedos, I've got big gold medallions around my neck and I hang around swimming pools. Why is it that only the pool attendants show me any attention?"

I asked this question of my now-separated siamese twin brother, Rod, and his response was, "Yeah, you look like Ian Thorpe, but you're still ugly?"

More helpful responses are requested.

p.s. I tried my real picture and my top look-alike was Uma Thurman...

An innovative Christian-based advertising campaign is being carried out in New Zealand, and it's attracted quite a bit of attention. The campaign is centred around the idea that "people think that Christianity is hypocritical, judgmental, intolerant and boring" so "rather than [being] preachy or judgmental, [its] messages will be loving, funny and personal."
Godmarks

Here's a 5-minute news report on the campaign - low-bandwidth or high-bandwidth

Starr* Saffa

Starr* Saffa lives in Australia and claims to channel Tahirih. She's mad, but in a nice way, and The Baker is always happy to feature good-natured mad Australians on his blog. (Rod, are you listening?)

Starr* has created five "living love" podcasts. My favourite is "Ya Tahirih! Prayer for Protection". Musically, "We Are Female Divine - Guitar" is pretty good, too.

It's not a new song by Will Ackerman, to follow up on his 1976 Second Great Tortion Bar Overland Of West Townshend, Vermont, Jose Pepsi Attending and his 1989 Townshend Shuffle. No, it's a quote from a previously-unpublished letter from "our beloved Department of the Secretariat in Haifa":

Mr. Khosro Deihim
United Kingdom

"Dear Baha'i Friend,

Your letter dated 17 May 2000 and the 14 video tapes that compose "The Meaning of Life Course", as well as the 218 pages of supporting notes, were warmly received by the Universal House of Justice.

The spirit of dedication of the team of the George Townshend Travelling Baha'i Teacher Training and Teaching Project in undertaking this endeavour is greatly appreciated. We are to extend to the participants of this project the loving commendation of the House of Justice and its assurance of prayers at the Sacred Threshold that the Blessed beauty may continue to assist and sustain their concerted endeavours as they persevere in their service to His Cause."
George Townshend Travelling Baha'i Teacher Training and Teaching Project

Long live the GTTBTTTP!

I'll tell you what hits my buttons. Any discussion on how the Internet can be used to host a spiritual/religious community. Dr. Alison Marshall has some thoughts about the subject:

"It's not generally believed that an on-line religious experience is possible, and there is certainly debate around this issue. People don't think you can have a religious or spiritual experience when you're clicking a mouse. But I'm not so sure that's the case. If these experiences can take place in a temple or church, why not on-line? Some people don't believe you can have the same experience on the Internet that you can in a temple or church. But I believe people can have meaningful experiences or interactions while they are on-line."
Brandon University profile: Dr. Alison Marshall
Assistant Professor, Department of Religion

My latest discovery is from the blog Church Marketing Sucks. One of the entries there is about What Web 2.0 Means for Your Church.

But what does web 2.0 look like inside the church? What happens when we apply the same web 2.0 attitudes to church marketing?

• What if your church web site wasn't just another place for information, but what if it was a connecting point for community?
• What if your congregation provided the content instead of your pastor (or in addition)?
• What if events were proposed, planned and put together by the people in the pews?
• What if the church staff did less and the congregation did more?
• And what if money wasn't an issue?

Do you see where this is going? Suddenly you don't have an overworked communications team doing all the updates. You have youth group members maintaining an online events calendar. You have a Sunday School teacher posting lesson notes on a blog and the learning suddenly happens outside of the classroom. You have older members of the congregation sharing their wisdom with younger members. You have people sharing and people connecting. Suddenly it's not the pastor trying to do everything. Web 2.0 is about giving power to the people. Nowhere does that have greater implications than the church.

I think a similar revolution is happening in the Baha'i Faith.

Here's something from happier times, a decade ago:

Date:	Fri, 12 Apr 1996
To:	National Spiritual Assembly
From:	Steve Marshall
Subject:	Review of living works of art

Dear friends,

I've just read the item in New Zealand Baha'i News—"All Baha'i art works need approval from the national body". I've been an artist and a Baha'i for many years but have only just realised that my art work needs to be reviewed.

I am living work of art, engaged in a continuous performance with an ever-changing audience. I do, at times, mention and depict the Baha'i Faith as an integral part of my creative output, and this is why I can now see that I do need to seek a letter of approval from you. The main difficulty I have is that my artistry is not adequately represented by a cassette recording, a photocopy or a manuscript. My artistic efforts are largely situational, and are very reliant on spontaneous interaction with people who can be drawn into being co-creators of artistic experiences.

I'm sure a solution can be negotiated and that it can be done in quite a creative way. I look forward to interacting with you over this conundrum.

ka kite ano,
Steve

---

There was a creative solution to the problem—the National Spiritual Assembly amended its ruling, and only mass-produced works of art had to be reviewed.

Several people have asked the Cormorant Baker why a whole bunch of names have been removed from the Kalimat Petition, leaving the terse message, line voided.

The Baker can now reveal that he has been in discussions with Faith C. Lensing, a spokesperson for the Baha'i World Centre. She pointed out to him that a number of the non-Baha'is who had signed the petition were shortly to be declared by the Universal House of Justice to be Baha'is.

Somehow, Faith convinced the Cormorant Baker that the problem was his fault, and that he would have to rectify it.

So, if you're not a Baha'i and if you haven't already received an email like this...

NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSEMBLY OF THE BAHA'IS OF YOUR COUNTRY

EMAIL MESSAGE (CONFIRMATORY COPY TO FOLLOW)

28 March 2006

Cormorant Baker
[address]

Dear Mr Baker,

The Universal House of Justice has advised us of its conclusion that, on the basis of an established pattern of statements by you and behaviour and attitude on your part over the past two or three years, you can properly be considered as meeting the requirements of membership in the Baha'i community. Accordingly, we have added your name to our membership rolls and have informed the Baha'i institutions concerned.

Sincerely
NATIONAL SPIRITUAL ASSEMBLY
OF THE BAHA'IS OF YOUR COUNTRY

...then please consider adding your name to the petition to make up for those whose names have been removed.

Here's the background information on the petition.

Baquia has a stunning and brilliant new blog entry, called Short Term Memory, on the hypocrisy of the Baha'is, who are currently calling on people to join the struggle against "apartheid" in Iran, and are glossing over the fact that Baha'is in the 70s and 80s were censored and sanctioned for political involvement when they joined the struggle against apartheid in South Africa.

Baha'i Blog has just revealed the existence of a US Baha'i administration web-site that contains The Study Circle at Pooh Corner. Both pages explain a bit about who the author is, and where the skit has been performed. My congratulations to Barry Thorne for writing the piece, and to the Reno Assembly for putting it on its web-site.

I have Google Ad-sense advertising on this page. What this means is that the computers at Google analyse what I write and choose the most appropriate ads to go on the page. Considering that this page refers to everything from Erich von Daniken to muttonbirds, it's no wonder that the ads sometimes end up being somewhat random. At the moment, there are a couple of recipe/baking-related ads—possibly on the strength of the title of the page.

You may have noticed that the side-bar list of recent blog entries loads faster now. Some slight nerdiness was involved in getting that done. I had to learn to set up something called a "cron job" to run once an hour and keep the RSS feeds refreshed.

I probably shouldn't have told you that, because now there'll be an onslaught of cron-related ads, and no-one will click on them.

A big "thank-you" to the nerds of the world. There must be an army of them out there, creating all kinds of neat software that makes the Internet an interesting place, and allows innovative things to happen. Some of the nerds are semi-respectable and work for big companies like Google—and some just beaver away, for the love of it, on open source projects. I've started making use of what those nerds have created, and I really appreciate what they've made available to the world.

Album cover

Yes, another short podcast, based around a song. This time, I take a break from playing tracks from The Front Lawn, and I try to be less preachy. The featured artist is Bright Eyes. Don't be put off by the name.

A friend of mine said recently:

...I would be sticking "the killing of animals and the eating of their meat is somewhat contrary to pity and compassion" on bumpers all over the country. As a campaign slogan, it's not very catchy, but it's scripture, and it would fit on a truck bumper.

My bumper sticker reads, "Just say no to road-kill." It's catchy, but I wonder whether it's scripturally sound? I'm hoping I have some wiggle room with the following passage:

If ye should hunt with beasts or birds of prey, invoke ye the Name of God when ye send them to pursue their quarry; for then whatever they catch shall be lawful unto you, even should ye find it to have died.
- Baha'u'llah: The Kitab-i-Aqdas, Page: 40

I drive a Corolla, not a Falcon. If I ditch the Toyota and get a Ford, would that make a difference?

In the interests of editorial balance, here's a link to someone who thinks the consumption of roadkill is OK—Arthur Boyt, roadkill chef. Or listen to a brief excerpt from the interview.

---

Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

Here's something I wrote back in 1998:

Mmmm, toasty!

Recently we had pop-up toaster trouble. I'm the kind of anachronistic (it's a fancy word for penny-pinching) guy who tries to fix a toaster when it breaks. This time it was the bits of wire that stop the toast from bumping against the elements and doing volcano impressions. One of the wire thingies had disintegrated, so I took the toaster apart and found not one but two mice in the bottom of the toaster. Those guys really were toast.

That's when I started thinking about the silly assumptions I made I bought the toaster. I've checked the box and the instructions, and nowhere does it say the thing's for toasting bread. I mean, you can buy a bread-maker, a cake-mixer or a coffee percolator, and you can just tell from the name what the appliance is for. But a toaster...?

Vagueness is a great marketing ploy. I saw in that pop-up toaster an appliance of a thousand possibilities - you know, "cook mouth-watering bread-muffins, crumpets and pop-tarts in just minutes". ...Strangely, singed vermin was not on my fantasy menu when I handed over $40 for the thing. I assumed that you could drop slices of bread in it and get toast, because that's what most folks around here use it for. Wrong.

I realise now that it's a mousetrap (...a better mousetrap, with a one-touch cremation option). Mind you, droppping that bread into the toaster on a daily basis seemed to help attract the little rodents. They probably wriggled their way down to the bottom, fed their furry faces on the accumulated toast crumbs, then decided to check out the electrical switch-gear if it was the last thing they did.

Well, we've all started eating breakfast cereals around here, but I've started thinking that a bit of toast would be mice for a change.

Daughter Zohar says we need a new toaster. I pointed out that we often have mice in the kitchen. "Then we need a new kitchen!" was her reply. I'm currently in the market for a new planet. Alison was fairly unfazed. She was late for a meeting because the car wasn't going properly (Yeah, I fix that too) and mice in the toaster wasn't registering in the scheme of things. She's tough, that girl."

Toxoplasma gondii - blame it!

I don't have a stressful life or a terrible home situation, and I don't do drugs stronger than caffeine. Nor do I look like the kind of guy who has excess testosterone coursing through his veins. So I've kinda run out of excuses for bad behaviour. After all, what is left when you reject, "I was tired and emotional", "I had a few too many", or "my instincts just took over"?

That's why I was really pleased to see that parasites can now be blamed for a heap of things.

Here's podcast no 3. I haven't played it for laughs this time, but the music is fairly quirky.

Here's my second podcast. It's my attempt to summarise, understand, and perhaps resolve, the Kalimat situation.

A spooky natural feature

Google Local is an online service that helps you find "local businesses and services". It also helps you find spooky natural features that look like peoples' faces. The folks at The Register say that Google Local has found an image of Jesus Christ in a Peruvian sand dune:

We find it impossible to believe that Google didn't spot this ghostly Turin shroudesque image of Our Lord in the South American sands. What are they not telling us?

A quick phone call to Erich von Däniken confirmed our initial suspicions that the image was hewn from the sand by an ancient civilisation using hot air balloons and alien laser technology borrowed from the scientists of Atlantis. Either that or someone is projecting a picture of Charles Manson onto the desert from a low Earth orbit, Erich told El Reg before popping out to discover a representation of an extraterrestrial wearing an Apple iPod carved into a stone by Mayan artisans in 500BC.

However, I reckon the image looks a teeny bit like 'Abdu'l-Baha. Check out that Peruvian sand-dune here. If you have Google Earth installed, you can fly there now.

"Summon up Remembrance" is the story of Ali-Kuli Khan, told by his daughter, Marzieh Gail:

Among the prominent Baha'i teachers of that day was Mirza Asadu'llah of Isfahan. He was a brother-in-law of the Master Himself, married to Munirih Khanum's sister, and lived in 'Akka with his wife and children. Khan had often met him as he traveled and taught in Persia. Around 1898, on the teacher's last visit, Khan had attended meetings in Tehran where he spoke.

Khan had also learned from a confidential source that during this visit Mirza Asadu'llah had been entrusted with a secret mission by 'Abdu'l-Baha. This assigned task was to meet with certain Persian Baha'is and receive from them a box containing the holy remains of the Bab, carefully hidden ever since His body and that of His companion, crushed by the bullets into a single mass, had been cast out Onto the edge of the moat at Tabriz on the day of the martyrdom (July 9, 1850) and removed by the faithful in the middle of the second night. To protect the sacred dust from the ever-watchful mullas of Shiah Islam, the remains had been concealed in one place after another: here in a private home, there in a shrine, finally in and near the capital, until 1899. Let alone the mullas, the believers themselves were also a danger to the holy remains, because they were irresistibly drawn in great crowds to whatever spot was rumored to be the hiding place.

When Mirza Asadu'llah, together with his son Aminu'llah, later known as Dr Farid, was on his way back from Persia and, still obligated to exercise the greatest precaution, had stopped in Beirut, he called in six other believers, so that there would be eight with himself and his son, and had a group photograph taken, together with the sacred box. Beneath the group he wrote this verse from the Qur'an: '...on that day eight shall bear up the throne of thy Lord.' This photograph Mirza Asadu'llah showed about everywhere, and the believers rewarded him with funds.

That very year, however, 'Abdu'l-Baha had, in a Tablet, interpreted this verse, from the Surih of 'the Inevitable'. The Master's words were to this effect: that the throne is the temple or body of the Manifestation of God, and that the Manifestation is symbolized by the number one. And according to the abjad reckoning—the numerical value of the component letters, used everywhere by Persian and Arabic scholars—'Baha''is eight plus one. ('B' in the abjad is two, the short vowel is not written in, the 'h' is five, the long vowel is one, and the symbol called a hamza, represented by the apostrophe, is also one.) The verse thus means: on that day Baha will bear up the throne (the body) of thy Lord. On that day eight will bear up one.

Khan had already studied this Tablet when he was back in Persia. He was therefore amazed to see Mirza Asadu'llah's fabricated fulfillment of the verse, a statement entirely other than that revealed by the Interpreter appointed by Baha'u'llah. There were the eight of them, standing behind the coffin containing the Throne—body—of the Bab, as self-created fulfillers of the prophecy. And furthermore, this act of his violated the requirement for extreme secrecy on the mission.

From that day on, Khan became suspicious of the renowned Mirza Asadu'llah.

One day when no one else was by, he mentioned this to 'Abdu'l-Baha and would have gone further into his doubts of the Mirza's loyalty. But the Master stopped him.

'No, no!' He said, smiling. 'Mirza Asadu'llah is a philosopher, a metaphysician! No, this is not the time to say anything further about him!'.

One of the "offensive" posters - Haaretz

Haifa to change offensive Independence Day posters

Source: Haaretz newspaper, Haifa
Date: Sun, April 18, 2004 / Nisan 27, 5764
By: David Ratner, Haaretz Correspondent

The Haifa municipality and local media in the city on Sunday moved to change posters advertising the upcoming Independence Day festivities that caused offense to the Bahai community, which is based in the northern city.

The large colorful posters were placed all around the city, inviting the public to next week's Independence Day celebrations, and featured a smiling man and a woman with text underneath listing the shows that will take place in the city.

A closer look revealed that the graphic design artist added "hats" on the heads of the two. The woman was depicted wearing Haifa's unique missile-shaped municipal building, while the man was wearing the golden dome that sits atop the Bahai shrine built on Zionism Boulevard years ago.

Representatives of the Bahai community on Sunday telephoned Haifa Mayor Yona Yahav to demand a change in the posters. Although the golden dome has been a symbol of the city for years, they said, they reject its use in a such a secular and commercial manner.

The mayor instructed teams to conceal the image of the shrine on the hundreds of posters throughout the city.

The status of the Bahai community in Haifa has increased considerably over the past years. This partly down to the huge investment, estimated at hundreds of million of dollars, spent on the construction of the hanging gardens between the Carmel and the lower area of the city, which today are one of Israel's top tourist attractions.

Phoenix, The UK Baha'i Youth Magazine, has an online counterpart. It's "closed" at the moment for a revamp, so you can't navigate anywhere from its homepage, but if you know the URL, you can check out many of the site's features. The feature I found fascinating was Roscoe's World. The picture to the right accompanies episode 9, "Drunk with the wine of Astonishment". Excellent Baha'i humour that may not survive the revamp, so check it out now.

And did you notice? The drunk appears to have stolen Douglas Martin's mystery object. It seems it was just a couple of bottles of wine, after all.

OK, let's check the detail in the high-res photo:

It's odd, isn't it? It's glowing in parts, and almost looks like it's been photoshopped in. So what's going on?

• Susan Maneck wrote in to say: "Steve, everyone knows using just the feather is so 'Old-Worldish'".

  [Is Susan hinting that Douglas was allowed to take live barnyard animals to Baha'i Conferences. If so, then he was definitely given special treatment!]

• Baha'i Angst wrote: "Re. Doug Martin's hand job: The Bahai Angst research team has done a spectrum analysis of the photograph and has tentatively come to the embryonic conclusion that Sir Martin is holding a bag which contains a copy of Church and State by Sen McGlinn. He only reads the book when he is in the bathroom.
  Is that really Susan Maneck in the buffet room? Hey, how come I wasn't invited?"

• Stephen Keyes wrote: "I would suggest that it is a take out confection from the Sugar Shaykh."

The Cormorant Baker has commissioned a sub-spectral gestalt analysis of the photo. It conclusively shows that Doug Martin is in possession of startling new evidence for the theory of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.

This evidence, according to Wiki, was provided to Douglas by Robert Henderson, Secretary-General of the US NSA:

"Bobby Henderson is the "prophet" of this religion."
Wikipedia—Flying Spaghetti Monster

---

And the winner is...

...Baha'i Angst, who gets extra points for sexual innuendo, using the word "embryonic" and, of course, for mentioning the "Leiden dissertation".

Another plump cooked muttonbird is heading your way, Angst. Enjoy!

I hear that Angst's menagerie went off their seed and became quite subdued around the time Angst unwrapped his first muttonbird parcel.

I still can't help thinking that the Swiss Guards would secretly love to work in Haifa, and are ripe for a hostile takeover:

New members of the Swiss Guard file into St. Peter's Square to take their oaths at the Vatican. (Photo from Catholic Press Photo)

The commander also was asked—and not for the first time—whether the Guard ever would include women.

"I cannot imagine that we ever would have women in service," he said. "We live in a very small barracks, and there would not be room for women."

"The men are young," he said, "and I would not want to recruit problems" for discipline.

"Obviously, women are capable of providing security services. That is not the point. It is a matter of discipline," he said.

Mader said his men have a variety of reasons for seeking a place in the corps.

"It is a mix of motivations, although you will find in all of them a certain religious sensitivity" and a desire to serve the church, he said. Many of the young men say they want to learn another language and culture and meet people from all over the world.

While there is a sense of prestige and honor in being a guard, Mader said, "it is not like it was 30 years ago, when a guard would return home and be seen as one of the pope's men."
Swiss Guard to mark 500th anniversary with stamps, Masses, march

I'm convinced these guys will fit right in at the Baha'i World Centre, and they'll certainly relieve some of the recruitment problems there.

"When boxing up your baby, ensure the lid is on securely."

The Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness.

Isn't this just a teeny bit idolatrous? - Jesus Inspirational Sport Statues.

Who got in trouble on his recent visit to Australia? Fined $AU5000.

This site works on the theory that all pets look adorable if viewed through a wide-angle lens.

Origami Boulder - A gracious melding of art, culture and commerce. Or a scam. You decide.

Which is flatter - Kansas or a pancake? Only science can provide the answers to this kind of question. A Baha'i connection? Well, it does refer to The International House of Pancakes.

I learned something new at nipguards.com.

All about pizza - a hoax? I love it when I can't decide.

Corn-Cam. GE-whizz.
"CornCam continues to bring the excitement of growing corn to the world through the Internet."

Important research that for some reason hasn't been published elsewhere.

The Engrish contained in the pages of this site are real and true examples of flawed English.

If you've got a problem then you're almost guaranteed to find a support group or community online where you can gain strength through sharing your experiences and worries. Sadly, with the demise of Fly-BMI.com, the owners of obese houseflies must struggle on their own.

Yes, more toilet humour. Go on, you know you've always wanted an "aquariass".

Yet more advancements in toilet science.

You'll feel better for not visiting the demotivators at despair.com.

A working harpsichord built entirely from Lego.

30 years ago, God gave a vision to Pastor Greene. In response to that vision, his congregation have been building an Ark for the last 30 years. They have the foundations and one-third of the superstructure done. Perhaps a Lego sponsorship would help?

A mug for topologists ...or buyers of origami boulders.

You mean you don't have a mouse- fan? "Everybody should have one... maybe not, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't."

Yes, more science, but not the stuff that begins and ends with words. Here's the Visible Barbie Project.

"Piglet," said Winnie the Pooh, after a very long pause, "what exactly is a Study Circle?"

To Piglet this was a sort of Hum! question. A Hum! question was one where you said "Hum!" in a very loud voice, in a manner that suggested you weren't just saying "Hum!", you were saying, "Hum! Well, that is a very involved and complex question, to which there is no easy answer, and I will have to gather my thoughts properly before I give you my considered response." It was very important not to say "Hum!" in such a manner as to suggest you really meant, "Hum! I've no idea."

"Hum!" said Piglet, to the best of his ability.

"Hum," agreed Winnie the Pooh.

This was not an altogether agreeable response to Piglet, who would have preferred something more along the lines of, "I see", or, "Well, maybe that would be best saved for another time," or even, "Goodness is that the time? I must go and attend to a Very Important Thing which is Somewhere Else."

Pooh sighed. "It's only, Rabbit invited me to one, and he said you were coming too, and so I thought to ask you what it was. I did ask Rabbit, and I think what he said would have made sense to Rabbit if I'd said it, but because it was Rabbit saying it to me, somehow it didn't quite stay in my head. Bother."

"Hum," said Piglet - not at all like he'd said "Hum!" last time, because this time it was a "Hum," that clearly meant "Hum! I know exactly what you mean."

"I think," said Pooh, "that it's a sort of Expedition. Because Rabbit said we would be walking a path of sorts, and I asked him where the path went, and he said that it was up to us to find out. I will have to ask Christopher Robin," Pooh decided.

At that point, Eeyore, Kanga and Roo came along.
"Hello Pooh! Hello Piglet! Hello Pooh and Piglet! Do you know what me and Eeyore are doing?" said Roo excitedly.

"Eeyore and I, dear," said Kanga patiently.

"Do you know what me and Eeyore and mummy are doing?" said Roo, bouncing up and down on the spot. "We're doing a Roo-hee! Do you want to do a Roo-hee too-hee?" squeaked Roo and bounced faster.

Pooh thought that if a Roo-hee involved that much bouncing then perhaps he wouldn't, but didn't want to be impolite, so instead he said, "Hum!"

"Everyone who does a Roo-hee," said Roo proudly, "goes round in circles."

"To some amongst us," noted Eeyore, "this is not a new experience. In fact, I am sad to say that some of us have been making a habit of this over many years."

It was then that Piglet had one of those special Moments. He imagined it was the same sort of moment that a great detective had when he was solving a very difficult case, or a scientist had when he was working out the answer to a very difficult sum. "You're doing a Ruhi study circle, just like me and Pooh!" he said excitedly.

"This is going to be a very productive group, I can tell," said Eeyore. "They catch on very quickly."

"Are you doing a Roo-hee too, Eeyore?" asked Pooh. "I thought you didn't like expotitions very much."

"It's not an expotition, Pooh," explained Kanga. "It's a form of training. You go along to acquire knowledge, skills and insights. Rabbit is going to be tutoring us."

Piglet was not altogether sure that he liked the sound of being 'tutored' by someone, because it sounded like the sort of thing that could be unpleasant for a Very Small Animal. But he thought that if Pooh thought it was All Right, then that would be a very different situation. He hoped very much that Pooh wouldn't say "Hum!" again because it would be very challenging to know exactly what "Hum!" meant at this particular time. Piglet noticed that Roo was going in circles round and round Eeyore and Kanga, and he felt a little bit like he wouldn't mind if Rabbit tutored Roo. Then he felt ashamed of himself and thought he wouldn't wish for anyone to be tutored if they didn't want to be.

"Rabbit says he's done ALL the Ruhi Books in an intensive campaign," Kanga went on. "He's done all six books from Book 1 right through to Book 7."

"Evidently, the knowledge, skills and insights he's acquired so far do not include mathematics," lamented Eeyore.

"Are you coming? Are you coming? Oh do say yes! Do say yes! It'll be such fun!" squeaked Roo, bouncing up and down in front of Pooh.

"Roo, calm down dear," said Kanga. "You're not ready for Book 1 yet. You'll be doing an art class instead." Kanga said quietly to Eeyore, "Rabbit said that Roo could do drawing on the power of the word, and I thought that was a wonderful idea, because he's always had a very good eye for detail and colour."

"I'm very glad you're going to be joining in too," said Pooh to Eeyore.

"I don't see that's anything to be especially glad about," said Eeyore. "Rabbit said it would help me to find my purpose in life. I asked him what made him think I'd lost it and couldn't find it without being tutored. And he said it would cheer me up, because Unit 3 would teach me to sorrow not if things didn't happen the way I wished them."

"What's Unit 3 about?" asked Piglet, who was beginning to feel he had a Piglet-sized grasp of the situation.

"Life and death," replied Eeyore. "I feel cheery already. Ho ho, ha ha. Let's all bounce up and down. That's the thing about life. You're busy enjoying it for all its worth, and then someone comes along and tells you that you haven't got a purpose and you have to go round in circles."

"I'm sure you'll love it once we start," Kanga said.

"It sounds exciting to me," said Piglet, and looked at Pooh, who did not look like he was excited or not-excited about the idea of doing a Roo-hee. "A bit exciting," he added, feeling that there was still a chance he might not want to be excited about it at all.

"Well if you're not coming, Pooh," Kanga remarked, getting ready to be on her way, "then Tigger's starting his devotional meeting in a few minutes' time."

"Hum!" said Piglet and Pooh, both at the same time.

"I think Rabbit's study circle sounds like a fine thing to do this morning," said Pooh, with the feeling of one who has deliberated long and hard over a Very Important Decision. "Me too," added Piglet, who hoped everyone would realise that he had been thinking long and hard about the study circle and would have said exactly what Pooh had said without Pooh having said it if Pooh hadn't said it first. "And Roo! Me too! And me! Roo-hee!" squeaked Roo and bounced off in the direction of Rabbit's place. "But we can go and see Tigger afterwards," added Pooh, because he did not want his friend to be left out. "We could get there just in time for elevenses."

"If we have to," said Eeyore. "I might be too busy trying to sorrow not because things have gone contrary to my wishes. They always do. Ho ho, ha ha." But he trudged after Kanga and Roo, followed by a curious Pooh and Piglet.

And Harry Potter, who had been listening nearby, decided that if there were only six Books of Ruhi from one to seven then one was missing, and it was probably an evil wizard who was to blame. And although we haven't time to go into details now, you can find the story in "Harry Potter and the Fifth Book of Ruhi" including details of all the excellent and spiritually enriching training he received at the intensive campaign that took place by the House of Ruhi-never-ending.

- Author unknown.

It is, of course, well known that Winnie the Pooh is a devout muslim.

EVENTS: On this day in 1953, after being handed the four symbols of authority—the orb, the sceptre, the rod of mercy and the royal ring of sapphire and rubies—Queen Elizabeth II was crowned at a coronation ceremony in Westminster Abbey in London. Watching the Coronation parade, Noel Coward and David Niven wondered who the diminutive man sharing a carriage with the 400 lb Queen of Tonga might be. According to Niven, Coward suggested: "Her lunch".
Times Online June 2, 2003

52 years later, a new mystery has emerged and you, gentle readers, may be able to supply some creative answers. The new mystery concerns the object in Douglas Martin's hand. There's a high-resolution picture available to help you identify the mystery object. You have seven days to solve this conundrum, so get in quick and file your answers using the submission form at the bottom of the page.

Oh, and while you're examining that high-resolution photograph, have a close look at what's going on in the background. No, not Susan Maneck having a full and frank exchange of views with Ian Kluge in the buffet room. Look to the left—through the window of Douglas Martin's guest-room—and check out the top secret plans for a Rainbow Arc pinned to the wall.

Following on from the truly epoch-making publication, Messages from the Universal House of Justice, 1963-1986 and the vista-expanding work A Wider Horizon: Selected Messages of the Universal House of Justice 1983-1992, a new compilation of messages from the Supreme Body has just been announced.

The new book, They Triumphed over Diversity - Selected Messages of the Universal House of Justice, 1995-2005, mainly deals with a campaign of internal opposition to the Teachings carried on through the use of the Internet, and shows how the Universal House of Justice has systematically addressed the problem.

"As a number of the friends are aware, a campaign of internal opposition to the Teachings is currently being carried on through the use of the Internet, a communications system that now reaches virtually every part of the world. Differing from attacks familiar in the past, it seeks to recast the entire Faith into a socio-political ideology alien to Baha'u'llah's intent. In the place of the institutional authority established by His Covenant, it promotes a kind of interpretive authority which those behind it attribute to the views of persons technically trained in Middle East studies."
(Issues Related to the Study of the Baha'i Faith - 7 April 1999)

The book is being simultaneously published by Pablum Publications and Alikat Press. It will be released on 1 April 2006.

Here's a treat for you: An extract, in video format, from Peter Khan's, talk at the New Zealand National Teaching Conference, in Auckland, June 2000 (AVI, 5.5MB).

The House of Justice has been appalled in recent weeks to receive vitriolic, nasty, vicious letters from New Zealand Baha'is concerned about actions the House of Justice took with regard to a believer from the South Island. I'm sure you are aware of it. These letters are not many, there are a few of them, but they're probably the worst letters I have ever seen written to the House of Justice and they came from people who are part of the New Zealand Baha'i community. That, if nothing more, is an indication of the need for a far greater attention to this issue in this country as well as in other countries. New Zealand surely doesn't want to go down in Baha'i history as the community that has produced such nasty correspondence. Correspondence of such a kind that I am embarrassed to have my secretary see it because of the kind of language that it uses. Anyhow, be that as it may, it's their spiritual problem and they will deal with Baha'u'llah as they wish. But the point is that here it is an indication that something is fundamentally wrong with the Baha'i community in this country in terms of its depth of understanding of the covenant and the authority of the institutions of the Faith. What you take as normal is not normal, but abnormal.
Excerpts from a talk given by Peter Khan

The Cormorant Baker is reminded of the sterling work done by the Rt Hon. Edward Smith Bt. in reporting on happenings in the Baha'i world. Here's a sample of his work:

New Tier in Administration
Further evidence of both the emergence and maturation of the Administrative Order has emerged with the implementation of a momentous directive from the LEA of Haifa announcing the appointment of additional tiers in the Learned Arm. A spokesman for the LEA of Haifa, at an off the record briefing, indicated that concern was arising over the level of work expected of the average ABM and his assistants. In particular it is the workload of the assistants that is giving concern as many are grievously overworked in the essence of service to the Faith. With the process of preparation for the process of preparing for the process of Entry By Troops now at an early stage of planning, the time is deemed right for these bold initiatives to be put into place, to have resources prepared for development and preparation, as the process of preparation for the process of preparing for the process of the process of Entry By Troops, now at an early stage of planning, advances ever onward in fulfilment of the manifest destiny of the process of preparation for the process of preparing the process of the process of Entry By Troops, now at an early stage of planning. This, the spokesman added was more than adequate evidence of the timeliness of this inspired initiative. The Bored Members are overburdened and overworked in their service to the Administrative Order (Praise etc.). They need help.
Further Maturation in Administrative Order

For more of the same, be sure to check out Brave New World.

Some fascinating developments are coming out of the recent Counsellors' meeting in Haifa. I've heard that the House will announce the names of about 400 newly declared Baha'is. (That is, newly declared by the House to be Baha'is). Anyone care to guess who might be on that list?

Here's a copy of the House's announcement about Declaration Day:

Baha'i News Wire
http://www.bnw.org
Baha'i World Centre
Haifa
1 January 2006

Following on from its success in redefining Baha'i belief to more closely meet the needs of the Baha'i community, the Universal House of Justice has initiated a new phase in the process of Entry By Troops. It will soon begin declaring people to be Baha'is.

"This new method of growing the Baha'i community is a natural follow-on to our work in defining Baha'i disbelief", said Faith C. Lensing, a spokesperson for the Baha'i World Centre.

"We began, less than a decade ago, by declaring those Baha'is who were not a good fit in the organisation to be non-Baha'is. However, we soon realised that this approach had its limits and its problems. We also needed to identify non-Baha'is who would be a good fit in the organisation, and declare them to be Baha'is. ...It was that simple."

"As you know, removing a Baha'i from membership in the Baha'i community is not a punishment -- it simply reflects the removee's true spiritual state. Similarly, declaring a non-Baha'i to be a Baha'i has absolutely no effect on that person."

The details of the new initiative have quickly fallen into place: A new Arm of the Learned has been created. The new Counsellors for Declaration will travel within their appointed regions, conducting study classes and enquiring discreetly into the affairs of the general population. Their assistants will provide important back-up, by working within their own communities to identify candidates. The names of suitable non-Baha'is will be compiled and sent off to Haifa.

A new Holy Day -- "The Declaration of the House", falling on 1 April -- will be inaugurated. "The date set for Declaration Day conveniently comes just before Ridvan, which is, as you know, the deadline for locality goals to be met", said Ms. Lensing. On Declaration Day, the House will announce the names and locations of the newly declared Baha'is. Work will not be suspended on that Day, but all income earned will go into a Declaration Fund.

"Self-declaration is proving to be far too slow and haphazard. A potentially life-changing decision such as this [a declaration of faith in the Universal House of Justice] is far too important to be left only in the hands of fallible human beings. We need to become more obedient, more systematic, and to put greater trust in the Universal House of Justice. This is an important first step."

Dear Mr Baker

Q.

I was delighted to see that you'd set up a blog. For a long time now, you've been invisible to Baha'is. All we knew about you was that we could have an encounter with you. But now that you've put in an appearance with your new blog, perhaps you could give us some idea of what an encounter with the cormorant entails. The Baha'i world is anxious to know. We've had to wait a long time for the details.

I'm wondering if it's like in the movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Does it have an exciting celestial component like that? And, would an encounter with the cormorant be an encounter of the Fourth Kind?

I know I speak for all of us, when I say that I am looking forward to reading your informative reply.

Best wishes and—well, I've never spoken to a cormorant baker before, but I guess I also say—may you have many close encounters! -Alison

Q.

This seems pure SM. As Steve would know, another name for cormorants is shags. I won't make the obvious comment. - Grahame

A.

Close encounters of the bird kind have a long and illustrious history, which can be traced back to the triumphant cries of "pluck yew!" at the Battle of Agincourt. One of the more recent manifestations of the phenomenon (God, I just love big words...) is when George Bush was caught giving someone the bird on television. Source: Wikipedia - The Bird

There are, of course, many more subtle ways of "giving someone the bird". A delicious cooked muttonbird delivered through the post is just one way that springs to mind.

But, in essence, an encounter of the bird kind is a serious and mystical thing—it's a Platonic form that's as difficult to grasp as a close encounter of the third kind. Encounters with the cormorant are always uplifting and liberating. They should never be spoken of as threats.

Peace be upon him that inclineth his ear unto the melody of the Mystic Bird calling from the Sadratu'l-Muntaha!
    (Baha'u'llah: The Kitab-i-Iqan, Page: 257)

Hi Mr. Baker,

Q.

(Or can I refer to you using the familiar form, Cormorant?), Karen sounds fine, but you seem to have a bit of an accent. How's that? Maybe it's just all the animals in the background. Were you calling from Baha'i Farm?

Looks like I'm running out of room to write, I'll switch to AOnian to save space.

Thanks help glorious podcast enterprise. New broadcast forthcoming heralding advent cyberage AO agitation. Your efforts take cybercause from strength strength. Loving Angst

A.

You may address me any way you like, although I draw the line at 'moran' and Ma. Baker. Thanks for the reminder about Animal Farm and AOnian. I must do a blog entry about some of the forgotten corners of satirical Baha'i cyberspace, and perhaps find a script that will convert intelligible text into AOnian. So little time; so many targets!

A delicious cooked muttonbird has been mailed to you in appreciation of your comments and questions.

Official communications from the Baha'i institutions are often quite complex documents, using obscure words and phrases like "iminic...", "inimicable"... ...well, like "injurious". Fortunately, the Internet has an answer to this problem -- assigning word-pictures to the text so that you can more easily follow the story. Try this new method out with the recent letter from the National Spiritual Assembly of the Baha'is of the United States to all its local spiritual assemblies. Did you get the picture?